www vampireschat net
by So-Eager-4-Eternal-Damnation
Summary: What happens when the Cullens decide to go into a vampire chat room! Slightly OOC. Probably a oneshot! T for slight language.
1. Chapter 1 Screen Names

**A/n: Okay, If you know me, you know this will most likely be hilarious! SO…I totally love he vampire chat room ideas, so this is the Cullen's figuring out **** , who else will they discover?**

Chapter 1. Setting up the Account

"Edward! Edward! Oh my god Edward!" I shouted panic filling my voice. He came dashing to my side in no time at all.

"What, what is it?" he asked concerned.

"It's a vampire chat room, for real vampires!" I exclaimed. Could such a thing exist?

Edward breathed a sigh of relief, "Oh that, yeah I don't much care for those things. But it was too late, I was already signing us up.

"Bella, you're not actually signing us up for that are you?"

"Yes, and everyone in your family is going to do it too! Common, it will be fun!"

He frowned. I pouted, who do you think won?

"Alright." He sighed and sat down ext to me.

**User Name: **BiteMe…Please

"Bella!"

"Oh Edward, take a joke please!" he sighed but let me continue.

**Age: **17

**Insert picture: **Bella Bk. bmp.

**Status: **Human waiting for her very stubborn vampire fiancé to change her already, but nooooo, he thinks he's eternally damned 

"Bella!" Edward looked shocked.

I dismissed it, "Okay Edward, now it's your turn!"

2 days later:

**BiteMe…Please has just logged on:**

-Clicks on the open chat sight-

**ImAHottieYay has just opened a new private window.**

I clicked on the window.

**ImAHottieYay: **You know for a human, you're pretty cute.

**BiteMe…Please: **Sorry but if you read my status you'd know I'm taken. 

**ImAHottieYay: **Yeah, but you are still HAWT!

I closed that chat room immediately, what a pervert.

I scanned the conversation quickly, nothing interesting…

**PennyForYourThoughts: **Bella, please change your name!

**BiteMe…Please: **As soon as you change yours!

**PennyForYourThoughts: **Please Bella…-purrs-

**CutieVamp: **Ha ha! Did you just purr to her! You must really love her!

**BiteMe…Please:** -laughs-

**PennyForYourThoughts:** Who are you?

**CutieVamp:** I'm just a vampire, like you, duh!

I looked at Cutie Vamp's profile:

**Status:** Being a super shmexy vampire!

I looked back at the conversation

**PennyForYourThoughts: **Please Bella –purrs again-

**BiteMe…Please: **Fine but only because the thought of you purring is so damn funny!

**BiteMe…Please has logged off**

**BiteMe…NOW has logged in**

**PennyForYourThoughts: **Bella!!! –Growls-

**BiteMe…NOW: **You said change it!

**TrixyPixy has just logged in**

**TrixyPixy: **Hey you guys- OMG Edward you purred! Ha! So **that** was the noise you were making, it sounded like a lawn mower being choked! -laughs uncontrollably-

**INamedMyAbsAbigail has just logged on**

**INamedMyAbsAbigail: **Edward, you did not purr! Bella, whatever you did to make him purr do it again except this time haul your scrawny little human butt over here so I can observe it up close!

**DoctorV: **Hey you guys stop making fun of Edward. –suppresses a laugh-

**SugarAndSpice:** My poor baby! So Edward, honey, do you purr often, I've never heard of a vampire purring before have you Carlisle?

**DoctorV:** No actually I haven't. Esme, are you cooking something?

**SugarAndSpice:** Yep! I'm making Bella some chicken!

**DoctorV: **I can't believe I used to eat that stuff…

**MoreBeautifulThanYou**: Emmet, must you be an idiot at all times of the day, and who is Abigail? –taps foot impatiently-

**IFeelYourPain: **Rosalie…stop…being...so…jealous –overwhelmed with emotions-

**INamedMyAbsAbigail: **Common Rose, it was a name that went with A, you know if there was a muscle that started with 'R' I'd name it after you.

**MoreBeautifulThanYou: **-mutters- I'll tell you what starts with an 'R'…

**PennyForYourThoughts: **W-o-w

**BiteMe…NOW:** I know…

**A/n: This will probably just be a one-shot so enjoy it!**


	2. Chapter 2 Animals

**A/n: Okay, you guys asked for another chapter so here it is! Also you guy know how I do my disclaimer/ beginner thingys? Well I'm thinking of doing a story just written like that, tell me if I should!**

**Me: -day dreaming- Edward! Edward, ha! That tickles, you know my feet are ticklish you silly!**

**Edward and Bella: -watch in disgust-**

**Bella: Is that natural?**

**Edward: -trembling now- No way in hell**

**Bella: Is, did she just say 'Damn kolaches'?**

**Bella: What does she have against a breakfast hotdog!?**

**Edward: I THINK SHE'S WAKING UP!!!!**

**Me: Oh Edward…-drools-**

**Edward and Bella share a glance and then dash out the door.**

**BiteMe…NOW; PennyForYourThoughts; and INamedMyRectumRosalie have logged on.**

**BiteMe…NOW: **Emmet, why did you name you're a$$ after Rosalie?

**PennyForYourThoughts: **Yes, care to explain your, moroness! –starts laughing-

**INamedMyRectumRosalie:** Well she didn't like Abigail and I couldn't think of anything else that started with an 'R'!

**BiteMe…NOW:** Does Rosalie know?

**INamedMyRectumRosalie: **No! Bella whatever your planning don't do it! Please Bella I beg you! Please!

**PennyForYourThoughts: **Bella whatever your planning do it! Do It now!

**BiteMe…NOW:** I already did –evil grin-

**MoreBeautifulThanYou has just logged in**

**PennyForYourThoughts:** Yay Bella! –now this will be interesting!

**INamedMyRectumRosalie:** Why Bella why? What did I ever do to you!

**MoreBeautifulThanYou:** EMMET YOU EFFING MORON! I DON'T WANT MY NAME TO BE YOU A$$! YOU COMPLETE AND UTTER IMBOCILE! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU, WY COULDN'T I BE _**ROSALIE, YOUR REASON FOR LIFE**_ YOU BIG BLOCK HEAD! NO PHYSICAL CONTACT FOR A WEEK!

**PennyForYourThoughts: **You should see the last time they tried that, catastrophe! First Rosalie can't stand to e away from Emmet for that long and then we get home from hunting one day to find them on the couch…

**BiteMe…NOW: **-breaks down laughing- NO WAY!

**IGotTheRightTemperatureToTurnYouOn has just entered**

**IGotTheRightTemperatureToTurnYouOn: **Hey Bells!

**BiteMe…NOW: **Jake? What the…

**IGotTheRightTemperatureToTurnYouOn: **Bella, why does your user name say 'Bite Me NOW' you want to be a a…

**PennyForYourThoughts: **Dog!

**IGotTheRightTemperatureToTurnYouOn:** Leech!

**BiteMe…NOW: **Cow!

**INamedMyRectumRosalie:** Rooster!

**MoreBeautifulThanYou:** Do-do bird

**DoctorV: **Lions!

**DoctorV:** Am I included in your secret little club now?

**SugarAndSpice:** Mouse!

**TrixyPixy: **Oh I know what we should do we should all go around and describe each-other as an animal and then we could call them that!

**TrixyPixy:** Okay we all agree that Jacob is a dog!

**IGotTheRightTemperatureToTurnYouOn: **-shakes- well then Edward is a leech!

**DoctorV: **Well you technically are a dog so calling Edward a leech isn't fair, I would call him a golden retriever.

**BiteMe…NOW: **OH YEAH! I agree with Carlisle!

**PennyForYourThoughts:** I'm a dog too!

**IGotTheRightTemperatureToTurnYouOn: **-mumbles- serves you right

**PennyForYourThoughts:** At least I'm not a mutt, mongrel.

**BiteMe…NOW:** Boys…-warning tone-

**IGotTheRightTemperatureToTurnYouOn: **Now Bella! She's a…

**PennyForYourThoughts:** Angel –purrs-

**BiteMe…NOW:** Edward, you know everyone just heard that right…

**IFeelYourPain:** Oh my god Edward purring!

**IGotTheRightTemperatureToTurnYouOn:** Ha ha! You're like a cat! –laughs so hard he might pass out-

**TrixyPixy:** Ha, Edward, purring, wow…

**SugarAndSpice:** Oh my, Edward –stifles a giggle-

**DoctorV:** Oh son, I'm sorry –burst out with uncontrollable laughter

(Rosalie and Emmet are laughing so hard hey cannot type!)

**PennyForYourThoughts:** Anyway, I think Bella is a…Swan I know it's not original but your last name does suit you…

**BiteMe…NOW: **I like it!

**TrixyPixy: **SO now, Emmet- Grizzly Bear, Rosalie-peacock, me- energizer bunny, jasper-HAWT!, Carlisle- Chihuahua! And esme- cat!

**BiteMe: **Yeah everything sounds good except for Esme she is so a crane! And Jasper has to be an animal I would place him as…a …POOH BEAR!

**DoctorV: **A Chihuahua! What are you talking about!

**BiteMe…NOW:** Well you sort of do have the big eyes and overly sensitive ears.

**IFeelYourPain:** Pooh Bear?

**BiteMe…NOW: **I told you this would be fun Edward!

**PennyForYourThoughts:** You were sooooo right -they sit back from the computer and watch the various fights that take place.-

**A/n: There you go! One more chapter for my wondrous readers!**


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